Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole.

i'd like to share something wonderful.

i know at first glance this may look like your ordinary, run of the mill paper bag but i assure you, it's so much more.

that is called a sweetie bag

my very good friend Jeff (insert picture of amazing friend, artist, hottie ect. here) let me in on this phenom one night when we were having one of our usual "remember this candy?" conversations. what you do is buy a bunch of candy, take off all the wrappers (well i do anyway) and put them in that bag. you can mix different flavors and textures. no liquids for obvious reasons. all you do is shake the fucker, stick your hand in and enjoy!

it's sounds pretty basic and simple but there are 2 types of sweetie bags

the poor man's sweetie bag:  also known as the "shitty bag". it's pretty popular nowadays, with the recession and all, though i'm sure you won't find anyone bragging about these. what you do is just fill the bag up with any kind of candy you can find that won't break the bank. you'd be likey to find candy corn, butterscotch's, mints, maybe a candy cane or two, ginger candy... pretty much all the stuff you don't really want to eat but would had you no other choice. now i wouldn't wish this sweetie bag on anyone, but times are hard and i've always been a fan of mint so go nuts. sadly, assorted nuts might be in there and that's how you would know for sure that things were going the wrong way. just don't share, eat really quickly, keep it moving and no one will notice.

the luxury sweetie bag: now we're talking! it's also known as "the ill sweetie" or "the ballin-est sweetie". it's the exact opposite of the "shitty bag" i mentioned before. load it up with tons of good stuff, don't be cheap. leave no great candy unturned. be daring. throw some chocolate in there. work at it. search online for candies that you loved in your childhood. make sure that sweetie bag is the best sweetie bag it can possibly be. you have the chance to make something great. don't half ass it,  it won't go unnoticed. 

by the way, it HAS to be a brown paper bag. if not, just don't try it. don't insult me or Jeff. most importantly, don't insult yourself. oh and please don't try to do a hybrid of the 2 bags.

it won't work :/ <---- you'll be seeing that guy ALOT. 

i'll leave you with this:

Jeff drew it & i love it. (i love him too)